Good-bye, Texas’ obese, alcoholic, Pill-popping Rose

I’m watching CNN covering the burial of Annna Nicole Smith, which they are doing obsessively. I am sad, since this basically means that CNN has lost its journalistic bearings. Here is the story in its entirety:

  1. Anna Nicole Smith, former model and enabler of octogenerian orgasms, has died due to and overdose. This surprised the same 5 people who are still shocked by anything Madonna does.
  2. She was buried in the Bahamas.
  3. She now roams the American Heartland with Elvis, on a pilgrimage to sacred burger joints on Route 66.

This is not a news story; this is maybe a minute-long book-end to a couple of hours of actual news. (Wolf Blitzer would say “In other news, former model Anna Nicole Smith died today.”) I admit, with great shame, that I have weak spot for gossip, but come ON! There’s a war on, there will most likely be another one on shortly, there’s the Walter Reed story in the US, and the global economy just took a serious hit. Those are news.

If CNN finds itself losing market shares to Al-Jazzeera, it might consider stuff like that. CNN won’t, of course. News is not news anymore. News is entertainment. It’s opinion and conjecture. What it no longer seems to be is relevant.

Also in the news: A photo of Tony Blair in college has surfaced, and in said photo, he’s making a wanking motion with his hand. This is shocking, because no college kid has ever goofed off in a photo, ever, in the entire span of time.

03.03.2007 • Permalink