Concert for Diana

The modern saint of the British isles, Diana Spencer, princess of Wales, was honored today with a memorial concert. I suppose it’s about ten years ago that she became road pizza, so it makes sense.

I’m not entirely sure if there’s some other function here, perhaps some charity whose coffers need filling or something, but it’s on my TV, and I can’t be bothered to change the channel. Which of course is silly, as the one band I sort of wanted to see, the Feeling, has already been on. They sounded far worse than they did in Hyde Park last week-end, but there you go.

No, part of what makes it fascinating is the weird line-up and hosts that pop up. I realize this sort of eclecticism is standard at these sort of functions, but still…what the fuck is Kiefer Sutherland doing there? Or Dennis Hopper? No terrorists were tortured, as far as I can see, nor did Hopper do anything particularly mad, like dry-hump a Diana-in-effigy or maybe even Fergie, which would have been totally awesome.

So Joss Stone comes on, bringing joy to all and performing a shitty version of “Under Pressure”, the Queen/Bowie collab, and one of the greatest pop singles ever. She makes it sound like every other song she’s ever done, and all the majesty and drama

And here comes the guy from Supertramp, singing “Dreamer” all by his lonesome, and guess what? It sounds like utter dogshit, every bit as unappealing as tthe vocal stylings of Brian May (and I love Queen); without a band to balance the reediness of his voice, it sounds thinner than Victoria Beckham after purging. Jesus. I actually feel bad for him, and he seems vaguely embarrassed himself.

Still to come: an Andrew Lloyd-Webber medley and Elton John, no doubt performing “Goodbye, England’s Rose”, the world’s best-selling single of all time, which no human could ever want to hear again, because it goes without saying that it’s terrible. Could they?

Fuck it, I have better things to do.

OK, that was a lie. I came back, just in time to see Natasha Bedingfield skip around stage in a small white dress, which was kind of a lovely thing to see and will indubitably inform my dreams for a while. Then Bryan Ferry came on and sang some Bob Dylan stuff, which was as dull as it sounds, so I switched to “Kingdom Hospital” instead.

01.07.2007 • Permalink