The Green Hornet, Abridged
SETH ROGEN plays BRITT REID, a RICH WASTREL and STONER, which is a TOTAL STRETCH. He also flexes his acting muscle by LOSING WEIGHT. When his father is KILLED DEAD, he takes up CRIMEFIGHTING because he is served BAD COFFEE one morning. So he rehires KATO, played by JAY CHOU, who is BRUCE WAYNE and LUCIUS FOX rolled up in one, plus a touch of BRUCE LEE. Then he hires CAMERON DIAZ to be HOT and also to HAVE SEX WITH, but HIJINX, then BLUE BALLS, because she prefers KATO, who is COOL and RIPPED and A GENIUS with serious MARTIAL ARTS SKILLZ. But sadly, he is also THE SIDEKICK, so BLUE BALLS for EVERYONE.
CRISTOPHER WALTZ is the MAIN BAD GUY with a NON-THREATENING NAME who nevertheless KILLS THE SHIT out of EVERYONE and runs ALL CRIME in LA, before taking on a DUMB NAME and CATCHPHRASE which has NO ACTUAL BEARING on THE PLOT. Gets BIBLICAL end.
It is DIRECTED by MAN-CHILD MICHEL GONDRY who puts his OWN SPIN on a GENERIC ACTION MOVIE by utilizing KATO-VISION, which is the same as GUY RITCHIE’s SHERLOCK HOLMES VISION, but with added GALLIC WHIMSY. Also: COCKPUNCHING. Lots of COCKPUNCHING and people GETTING CRUSHED by heavy objects, which is FUNNY and not at all DISTURBING (see also: Pineapple Express, or better yet, DON’T)
There’s also AN APPEARANCE by EDWARD FURLONG, playing a guy who runs a METH LAB, which might be CENTRAL CASTING’s idea of TEH FUNNEE! (LOLZ!!)
THE GREEN HORNET is a reasonably ENJOYABLE way to spend AN AFTERNOON, because JAY CHOU kicks NUTS and CAMERON DIAZ gets to be CUTE and SMART, but probably BETTER seen in a SETH ROGEN state of mind, which is to say HIGH as a FUCKING KITE.